that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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