I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
