Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
