Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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