sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
