some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i think i have two assholes
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
