I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
