Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
