just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
