If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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