i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
