DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
