Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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