I can text with my tongue
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His nipple licking is glorious
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