We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize