I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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