Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
