Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
