twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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