His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize