i was born a porn star she said
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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