I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
