i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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