I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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