I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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