i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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