Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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