i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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