six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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