she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
