woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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