Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize