you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
