Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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