i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What a dumb baby whore.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
