phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
