And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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