Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize