I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
