Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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