I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
