I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
