im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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