Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
