Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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