No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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