nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
