I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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