remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
