Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
