Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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