shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
