guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
