Well douche your snatch and let's go!
smell my finger.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
