oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We got so high we made milksteak
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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