I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
