Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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