I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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