Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Less talking, more tequila
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
