My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
