Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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