Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have post one night stand depression
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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