any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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