Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Floor bacon is actually really good
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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