So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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