I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
