Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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