Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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