One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
