It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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