just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
