Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She bit a glass in half.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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