In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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