i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
