I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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