so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize