I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She bit a glass in half.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
