you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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