I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
