I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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