And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this beer tastes like vomit already
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
