She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
