so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
