Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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