He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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