ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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